Mam Mush.

So I’ve been having ALL the Mam feels recently, looking at Loralai, having our days out, loads of cuddles and the usual day to day things. I’ve just really been embracing the little time we have left as a twosome. Threesome when Ricky’s with us too obvs. I just mean all the ‘moments’ even the everyday things like holding hands, I’m in my own mind, taking it all in, the time really does last longer when you just focus on that one thing. Like tonight she fell asleep within 2 minutes but I stayed there for 10 minutes just looking at her, holding her, my beautiful girl, my first baby.

All through this pregnancy I’ve had the emotions, I’m like that anyway but I remember (also still experiencing, ha) the hormonal emotions that are just uncontrollable. I had a few weeks where crying was all I wanted to do and it felt good to cry, I’ve been happy, excited, scared, felt guilty. The feels people, the feels! More recently I’ve been feeling how I think Loralai, a 4 year old, who has always had ALL my time must be feeling. I’ve spoke about the baby, everyday, I’ve spoken about how babies cry, how they need to be taught everything, how they sleep all day and party all night. I’ve also mentioned all the cute things and spoken about the harder times. Like when I’m going to be alone with a baby and a kid, when they both need me but I’m only 1 person, how Loralai can help me but how she also needs to keep doing all the kid things she does. I know it’s going to be hard and I am looking forward to the day things start to become a little easier or when things fall into place.

All I know is I SUPER SUPER SUPER  love my Loralai, she has changed my life in SO many ways it’s ridiculous. In the best way though, she’s my first baby, we’ve taught each other things, she’s my big girl now (she tells me that all the time and I love it), I’m just trying to prepare us all for the transition to 4.

I got to see Marceline today I was having a placenta site check, all was good, it’s moved! Yey. She’s currently 4lb 4oz (OMG) has lots of hair and looked super cute. Today has been one of those ‘it’s real’ days, I signed all my papers and the consent for my elective caesarean too. I spoke with the doctor and I was booked in for my pre op … Ah.

It won’t feel real until she’s here though, I was the same with L. It’s officially my 6 week countdown at work come Saturday, I have 1 week annual leave then my baby M will be here, my birthday will be spent in hospital too. Eek.

So I have a shopping day this Sunday for baby and me, we have our first wedding anniversary, a christening and a few other family/friend times booked into these final weeks.

But my favourite thing, however emotional it is, is just ‘being’ with Loralai, in those everyday moments.

 

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