Feeling yellow. It doesn’t really mean anything, just loving me some yellow at the min.
I posted a picture of myself and Loralai on Instagram the other day we’re in MATCHING yellow rain macs! She is 100% going to be like ‘WTF’ Mam when she’s older. Don’t worry if your cringing, she went to nursery in hers, mine ended up back in the house because I’m super hot 24/7 with this pregnancy. And although the autumn weather has kicked in, I’m still over here like it’s summer AF.
But for now she is just as buzzing as I am that we have matching coats. YEY.
So aside to being cool AF/embarrassing as hell I’m creeping ever closer to my caesarean, my baby M’s arrival, the day my Loralai becomes a big sister, we turn from 3 to 4.
I’m feeling it guys.
I’m feeling pregnant like SO pregnant, my pelvis feels broken, my hips and lower back feel like they are telling me to F’off. Heartburn has made a lovely appearance, I feel sleepy, irritated, hormonal, the list goes on. I keep saying I’m ready for her to be here, which I am but I’m also thinking of all those things like, I won’t sleep again for a year or I won’t have Loralai all to myself. I feel excited, happy, ready, scared, guilty, not ready … Just the feels.
One of the biggest things for me is just to have SOME kind of body back, I can’t even put my own shoes on at the moment, I want to be in nice, cool clothes! My face is SO round, I’m forever having Braxton Hicks (which scare me every time, I never experienced these with L ) I’m just moaning here. That’s what it is, I’m having a moan. I have nothing to moan about really, I know how lucky I am in life and I am grateful for ALL of it.
I’m just talking talk, because I can. It’s good for the soul.
I think I’m mainly feeling guilt knowing my time needs to be shared soon, L can sense it too. I struggle to do numerous things with her at the moment, some super normal things too because of my bump. I’m happy that we talk about it though, happy that we talk about the baby, happy that I have a husband who feels the same guilt as me. I know it means we are good parents, worrying about it all, I know it’s going to be hard BUT super worth it.
I’m excited for another tiny human.
Marceline ‘Dracula’ as Loralai likes her to be known.
So to finish off my random mix of yellow, twinning, love, moaning, feels and things. I’ve been thinking about blogging my experience of labour with Loralai, it’s something I think I’ll do soon. I’ve come to realise with the help of my midwife that I still may not be fully over the trauma. I don’t think I ever will be really but I wouldn’t change any of it either, maybe I just need to have another go at ‘exploring the experience’ and see where it takes me.
But for now, peace out from a hormonal preggas Mam, who has a follow up doctors appointment in the morning and the flu jab, YEY.