Mother’s Day 2018, my first as a Mam of two.
Marceline post injections, Ricky on a stag do but I’d planned a Girls Night for the Saturday and I was hoping to pop out with my two babes on the Sunday, just to a little cafe or something. This wasn’t my first weekend alone with the girls and now that Marceline is a little older (please stop growing) things are a little easier. Saturday went by quickly, we had lot’s of giggles watching a movie and eating pizza with dips, crisps and sweets. I even went to bed with the girls hoping for an early evening and some good’ish sleep. After a long boob sesh (1 hour 30mins) I managed to shut my eyes around 9:30ish, I think.
On Mothering Sunday I got an early wake up call from Loralai, she’s such a morning person. Marceline wasn’t quite ready to get up but you have to find some balance when you have more than one kid, especially when you’re on your own. I read two stories to the girls in bed and I managed to play a little game with Loralai’s whilst I breastfed Marceline, we had breakfast and I was enjoying pottering around the kitchen.
Then Marceline cried for an hour straight, she didn’t want boob, her dummy, a cuddle, I even stripped her down for skin on skin, nothing and I mean nothing would soothe her. This was the first time I had felt the strain of being alone, the loneliness of living away from people who could of helped me, the massive Mam guilt because I couldn’t see to Loralai because Marceline was so unsettled. I felt like the worst Mam, on Mother’s Day of all days.
I don’t know if it was from her injections or one of those random times when babies just cry, I remember Loralai did it about 3 or 4 times and it’s so stressful because they can’t tell you what’s wrong and everything that usually works just doesn’t work. This time it was harder because I had Loralai as well as Marceline to see too.
Marceline was so upset and unsettled, Loralai needed me and I needed a break. We all needed things at the same time and it was just ugh.
Frustration on all levels for all the girls.
When Ricky came home I was frazzled, Marceline was still unsettled but her crying uncontrollably had passed. I think Loralai was ready for a break too, she never said anything but I felt awful for not being able to be with her most of the day, she’d experienced an hour of crying from her baby sister too. Us Mam’s do think things are worse than they seem (Mam guilt, not the crying), Loralai never said anything on that day and she hasn’t since, I think it’s because I said Marceline had her needles and she wasn’t well. Something that Loralai could understand, I kept saying sorry to her too and telling her she was being great on a tough day.
Ricky sent me up for a bath and I just lay in it, I felt every bit of that water on my body, I felt dazed actually. When I think about it now I know how little sleep I’d had in the build up to Sunday, add in Marceline’s poorliness (ugh, injections) her crying, me feeling helpless, trying to see to Loralai, make lunch and enjoy what was supposed to be my first Mam of two Mother’s Day… Well it was all a bit much.
I did have some nice moments though, Loralai came over with a dustpan and brush looked me straight in the eye and said…
“There’s been a glitter accident”.
She’d spilt a tub of glitter while I was keeping Marceline asleep in my arms, she brushed it up and put it all in the bin. She got me right in the feels, I later found most of the glitter behind the bin but my god that girl tried and she did good. She made me a picture too of a dog in a chimney, so random but that’s why I love her.
So here’s to Mother’s Day, I was pushed to my limits and I coped. I’m proud of myself, my emotions and the girls, it was a crazy hard day but we did it. And just look at these two, I managed to get a snap of them with smiles.
Also my amazing cards, LOVE.
This ones from nursery, I love it.