Motherhood through Instagram is a hashtag I use often, Instagram has opened up so many amazing ways to share, talk, support and encourage. I recently joined in on the V for village hashtag which got people to talk about who’s in their village, who’s their support on and offline, since I posted mine I’ve been thinking about writing this blog.
I’ve ‘met’ so many amazing women on Instagram and the support they offer is unquestionably what we all need on the hard days. I didn’t use Instagram the way I do now when I had Loralai and I really think it would of helped me, massively. I started 2Mermaidz at the end of 2016 sharing mine and Loralai’s love of fashion, I really wanted to blog too so I made the website in early 2017 and I started to document our lives. When I fell pregnant with Marceline the website changed, still documenting but I expanded with new pages.
I actually deleted ALL of the pictures I had on my Instagram because I sensed it was going in a different direction to just fashion. I also had fallen into the trap of looking at all the ‘beautiful’ and ‘perfect’ feeds and thinking mine was crap. I started to share more of our daily lives with bits of fashion too, then I started to document my pregnancy with Marceline, beautiful.
I think it was late December or early January when I fell into the trap again, I looked at my feed and thought it wasn’t good enough. I sat and deleted ALL my pictures again, I received some really lovely messages while I was doing it. These amazing women who support me on Instagram, they cared, they didn’t want me to delete it all. I didn’t regret the first time I done it because it felt organic, it was me combining my account to the website, it had purpose, a focus, I could see what I wanted to do, sharing my motherhood. Alongside things we love because I wanted to, because it’s my journey and it’s about what I love.
I didn’t regret the second time, at first anyway because I was comparing myself to others, other accounts. I also wanted my blog posts to link up to my Instagram with images. When I think about it now, it’s silly.
I am me, what I share is me.
I don’t have a camera or laptop, I don’t edit my photos.
I’d just given birth, the worse time EVER to judge myself negatively.
I shouldn’t have deleted it all, I was in my own head, comparing myself to others.
I feel a little torn now, in my head I wanted my feed to look a certain way, to match my blog posts, which it does now and I’m happy but I could of kept all my old posts, I could have. I had a moment again the other week and I was SUPER close to deleting everything again but I didn’t, after a talk with the husband and a reality check.
I do this blog for me, it’s my hobby and an amazing way to document me and my girls, which is exactly what I wanted it to be. It’s changed so much in the year or so I’ve been blogging, I’ve got a little breastfeeding project going, we’re sharing things we love and still share our fashion loves.
I think what I’m trying to say is I am me, my Instagram is us and that I need to continue to work hard at reminding myself that I need to just do me – that’s my uniqueness and nobody else is me. I’m not ever going to be one of ‘those’ accounts because that’s not me and I shouldn’t compare myself and nor should you lovely lot. I got a lot of messages from other women saying they had done or felt the same as me which made me feel less crazed about my decisions because social media sometimes does create those negative vibes, not always but sometimes.
Thank you lovely lot for being in my online village, I’m grateful for you all.