I started this blog back when it was just me and my L. I had an idea and I really wanted a hobby too. When I think about it I can see in many ways she inspired me to do it, I actually thought up the name ‘2Mermaidz’ whilst we lay in bed cuddling one night.
She has on more than one occasion asked me for a little sister and if you’ve followed my blog you’ll know she got what she wanted, a baby who then turned out to be a girl. Eek.
I blogged LOADS about my feelings when I was pregnant, I felt super happy, excited, loved up and then in would creep the Mam guilt. I kept thinking how could I give Loralai everything I give her now? It got to me and I couldn’t stop thinking about it. It got worse as I got closer to my due date too. I read endless blogs about families going from 3 to 4 like ours would be, I found most of them reassuring and honest. They helped, for a day or two. I also chatted to some family and friends and I often spoke about it on Instagram, with an occasional hormonal blog to boot.
So let me tell you about my experience, I’m nearly 7 weeks in and things are going well. Giving birth via an elective caesarean meant I could plan and that made me feel good. Before I delve in I have to say that I spoke to Loralai every day about her becoming a big sister, I told her the baby would cry, I said she’d be on my boob’s a lot, there’d be nappy changes, a sleepy Mammy and more.
I planned for Loralai to come in with her Dad to meet Marceline, we thought it would be good for her to have him around whilst I was having the baby, it shocked so many people. It still shocks people now and we got some, shall we say nice opinions? Ha! In MY opinion I was putting Loralai first, we discussed it as her parents and decided it would be good for her to have Ricky around at such a life changing time. He could answer anything, drive to us, talk to her about what was going on. It just made sense for us, Loralai was the important one in all of this, each to their own and all that.
My Mam came in with me and I promise again that I will blog about her birth soon. I won’t EVER forget being wheeled around with Marceline and seeing Loralai’s little face ready and waiting in my room. Ricky let her hold Marceline first which is something I loved and truly feel was super important for her. I always involved Loralai as much as I could during my pregnancy and it’s something I still try hard to do now Marceline’s here. If I’m totally honest the first few days maybe even the first week are a little blurred. Lack of sleep and boobie feeds 24/7 BUT Loralai held Marceline a lot, she asked to hold her which always broke my heart – with happiness of course. We made a big fuss, we made sure she went out and did ALL the fun things, soft play, cinema, ice cream, family movie night, the works! I was and still am amazed at Loralai, I mean I knew she would be great because she’s a really loving kid. I just didn’t realise she would be THIS great. I always touch wood when I say that, haha. Seriously though, I’ve been lucky with Loralai she is a good kid. Our parenting has something to do with that too (soz to blow our trumpets), she just has the key things any younger sibling would want from their big sister.
I’ve watched my baby grow from this little loving human to the ultimate LOVING human. She’s like a mini adult, wanting to hold Marcy, help with nappy changes and every bath (no joke), she sings to her, gives loads of kisses and cuddles. She asks about her first thing on a morning, ah the feels.
IT’S BLOODY LUSH.
BUT I can’t sugar coat everything, all those things are true and Loralai really has matured, I’ve seen so many new qualities in her which I love.
Reality is I’m on my own most of the time (weekends = husband help) yey! With a new born baby who LOVES the boob and a 4 year old kid. There is massive Mam guilt, stress, WTF moments but honestly the little moments balance it out.
Today I watched Loralai pour a full tub of glitter out and just rub it on her hands and up her arms while I breastfed Marceline.
I felt bad I wasn’t playing or creating with her, then I felt stressed about the mess, then along came the helplessness feeling because I was feeding Marceline and I couldn’t do everything at once.
Later on I watched Loralai sing, she made up this beautiful song all about Marceline. While she sang it Marceline just eyed her up the whole time.
It all balanced out.
I take every opportunity even if it’s only 2 minutes to have time with L, just me and her. For a cuddle, a story, we actually shared a bath together the other day, LOVE. I just embrace those moments, breathe them in because I miss it. She misses it. We haven’t said it but we feel it. We have evolved now into a girl gang, Marcy is our girl and we love her.
Loralai has been a massive help not only to me but to Marceline too, I am so proud of this little big human she’s become. Like me she’s embraced the new with all it’s beautiful and hard times.
More to follow from this blog, I’m breastfeeding now and Marcy is about to fall asleep – I need to take this sleep opportunity people.
For now look at THE proudest big sis!
Ps. Loralai has already told me that when they are older they’re going to Disneyland Paris, alone. Aww, RIGHT IN THE FEELS.